A Marriage: Jacob to Rachel and Leah

Sister Wives

Marriage means that we have a lifetime partner; it also means we have a covenant blessed by God. However, navigating the road to marital bliss is a relation that is at times challenging, sometimes difficult, stimulating and also very rewarding. The foundation for a good marriage is based on key ingredients such as love, devotion, respect and compatibility, and the chances for success or “til death do us part” is greatly increased when there are only two people involved in the marriage. There’s an idiom stating that “two’s company; three’s a crowd”, meaning that the companionship of two people is happier and better when there isn’t a third person in the midst. Years ago, Diana, Princess of Wales, was interviewed by Martin Bashur of England’s BBC1 Panorama television. He asked her to confirm a factor which caused her marriage to dissolve. At the time, it was wildly speculated that her husband, Prince Charles, was romantically involved with a long-ago paramour--his one true love! Princess Diana’s response to the question was, "Well, there were three of us in this marriage, so it was a bit crowded ."[1]

In the Book of Beginnings, the Bible tells one such story of a crowded marriage. Unlike the marriage of Prince Charles and Princess Diana with the added complication of the third wheel—the Prince’s long-ago lover, Genesis tells the story of two sisters joined in holy matrimony to the same man. Their added complication was a double-cross perpetrated by a parent. The life of Rachel cannot be fully told unless her elder sister, Leah, is included in the story. Through deception and manipulation, both sisters were married to their cousin, Jacob, at the same time. One sister was deeply loved by Jacob while the other yearned for his love. In this situation, we could see how jealousy, insecurity and feelings of rejection would rear its ugly head between the sisters; also, rivalry, gossip, faithlessness, tension and animosity would make them both unhappy and, at times, unfulfilled.

“Rachel was loved. Leah was not. Rachel was adorned. Leah was not. Rachel was the queen to Jacob’s king. Leah was the princess without appreciation. Rachel was chosen. Leah was an obligation. Rachel was the soul mate. Leah was the live-in sex partner.”[2]

The Bible shows that polygamous relationships are outside God’s will so His judgment caused unhappiness and sorrow for both sisters. Ironic as well as tragic, one sister was loved beyond measure by her husband yet she remained barren; the other sister, although fertile and produced many sons, was not loved by the same husband.

RACHEL: A BLEND OF ROMANCE AND TRAGEDY

The Hebrew meaning of ‘Rachel’ is ewe or lamb, an apt description because she’s is the chief shepherdess in her father’s household, a home without highly valued sons to look after the flock. Leah means gazelle or wild cow. We first meet Rachel in Genesis 29 when her future husband, Jacob, happened upon her at the watering well with her sheep. Jacob was also her father’s nephew--her cousin--and had fled from his homeland because he had duped his father and swindled his twin out of his birthright. For Jacob, it appeared to be love at first sight, likely inspired by Rachel’s fine features because he kisses her. In ancient times, it was not inappropriate for relatives to kiss upon meeting, so the kiss Jacob bestowed upon Rachel could be considered familial greeting. However, to impress her, he undertook a task that required many shepherds to fulfill; showing his physical strength, he rolled away the heavy stone from the mouth of the well.

Being besotted with Rachel, Jacob made an agreement with her father to work his fields to earn the right to marry her. Rachel silently waited seven years to marry Jacob. However, through her father’s deception, and an additional seven-year waiting period, Rachel became part of a crowded marriage. She was Jacob’s second wife instead of his intended first and only bride. Leah became his first wife and the mother of six sons and one daughter. For a period of time, Rachel remained barren and offered up her handmaiden to be her surrogate. Rival sister does the same by offering up her own maid-servant to the same husband, despite having already borne several sons. In the end, the one thing Rachel craved most caused her tragic end while her sister lived on and was given a place of honour in death.

Rachel: The Beautiful

Rachel was portrayed as being physically beautiful and shapely while her sister, Leah, was described as having a weak eye[5]. This may mean that Leah either had poor eyesight or eyes that didn’t charm, making her less attractive than her sister. Rachel was the preferred daughter, favoured and adored by her father. One can surmise that Rachel was also a confident woman, having both the paternal preference and the attention garnered for her beauty. She was probably not at all surprise at being eyed by Jacob as her power laid in her good looks, and she would’ve received the same interest from men wherever she travelled.

It will serve us good to remember that while natural beauty is skin deep and wins admiration, it fades with time. God looks at the heart (1 Samuel 16:7).

Rachel: A Husband’s Cherished Love

Rachel alone held the key to her future husband’s heart. Upon completing his seven-year contractual obligation to his future father-in-law so he could then marry Rachel, Jacob said that “his love for her was so strong that it seemed to him but a few days.”[6] Unfortunately, he was again duped into serving and toiling for another seven years before gaining her hand in marriage. Rachel’s hold on Jacob’s heart never ceased and they were married.

Some have speculated on whether Rachel loved her husband with the same depth as he loved her or even if she loved him at all; it appeared that Rachel remained silent as her father continued to trick and cheat her [future] husband—his wages and agreements were changed ten more times. In those days, the patriarchal family did not allow for children to voice their opinions to their fathers. Fathers wheeled much power and even had the liberty of selling their daughters as concubines. In that culture, daughters could not object to their fathers plans because of the complete authority he had over them. We will never know if Rachel was grieved by her father’s deceit and protested the length of time she had to wait to get married. Romantics will want to believe that Rachel reciprocated Jacob’s deep love and the years spent waiting to become his wife also seemed but a few short days.

“In spite of outward appearances, Leah was a failure. Somebody had to be tricked into marrying her. The relationship was forced. Leah was a disposable woman. Disposable women are those women who resemble disposable diapers, trash bags, paper towels, tissues or “to go” containers. They are used and thrown away. They are not treated like fine china … not treasured like crystal stemware or cherished…"

Rachel: Victim of a Cruel Deception

Payment for working seven years for his future father-in-law was Rachel’s hand in marriage. On the day of the wedding, as was the custom, the bride arrived at the ceremony fully and heavily veiled, hiding her appearance throughout the festivities. “In some cases, the veil was removed… In other cases, the veil remained intact until the following morning.”

After the ceremony the newlyweds returned to their bridal chamber. The following morning, the groom came to realize that his bride was swapped and instead he was married to the less desirable Leah whom he did not love, and not his beloved and beautiful Rachel.

“Sisters often have similar voices and if Jacob’s senses had been dulled by the wine at the feast, we can understand why in the dark Jacob didn’t realize Leah, not Rachel, was in bed with him.”[9]

The ruse was perpetrated by his father-in-law who rationalized that the custom of the day declared that the elder daughter should be the first child given in marriage, not the younger Rachel. Perhaps the time to inform Jacob of that custom was before he indentured himself for seven years or, the very least, before the wedding took place. For another seven years, as husband of Leah, Jacob toiled for his father-in-law to rightfully marry Rachel. His love for Rachel never wavered while he fathered four children with her sister. He persevered in servitude for his father-in-law, and then made Rachel his second wife, becoming involved in two marriages.

Again, scriptures do not indicate what Rachel felt during this time. We can surmise that because fathers had such complete control over their children, her feelings of deep hurt and resentment caused by her father’s duplicity were suppressed. She must have also had to conceal any jealous feelings she had towards her sister who by this time had given birth to several children and, at the same time, deflect gossip and pitiful stares. Perhaps Rachel’s envy of her sister was curtailed by the fact that Jacob, although married to her sister, continued to show her how greatly he loved her by biding his time in servitude to her father. Or, perhaps Rachel was just as anxious to be married.

I have friends who for many years has been waiting for their husbands to show up; they have prayed long and hard for a Boaz who has yet to show up. Their patience have all but run out. They are anxious to become good wives and a great mothers but they're still single, and they feel that their biological clocks are tick-tucking. Scriptures clearly shows that Rachel feverishly wanted to become a mother; assuming that my friends are experiencing the same anxiousness as Rachel, maybe they are still bachelorettes because God is developing their characters through waiting. “Waiting for something we want is a hard lesson, but it can bear much fruit if we let it.”[10]

Rachel: Barren for Many Years

After becoming the second wife, it wasn’t happily-ever-after for Rachel. She was barren while her sister had a household full happy of children. The beloved Rachel was at a disadvantage because she had her valuable status usurped at not being blessed with children.

“Welcome to the land of Rachel the beautiful, Leah the unwanted, and Jacob the deceiver deceived. Envy and jealousy were a part of the matrix of emotions that caused tensions in their household.”

“The tension in Jacob’s family must be incredible. Two wives are trying to get their needs met: Leah through being loved and Rachel through having children. One wife can’t do anything wrong, and one wife can’t do anything right. God mercifully gives Leah some pleasure in life by allowing her to become pregnant. Rachel remains barren.”

As sister/rivals, one can imagine Rachel taunting Leah on not having the love of her husband; Leah would retaliate by proclaiming her fertile womb. Rachel wanting to have children drove her to hysterics. According to Genesis 30:1, “And when Rachel saw that she bare Jacob no children, Rachel envied her sister; and said unto Jacob, Give me children, or else I die.” Her anguish made her demand on-the-spot performance for procreation.

“She was angry, bitter and envious. She had been accustomed to winning. She had been accustomed to having the “upper hand.” She was used to getting all the attention. The baby showers, however, were not being held for her. They were being held for Leah. Gifts were coming for Leah’s children. Accolades and praises were directed at Leah the fruitful, leaving Rachel the barren out. Her sister had achieved an envious status.”[14]

While Rachel’s focus was to be in competition with Leah to rear children, Leah’s aim was to get her husband to love her. Although there was a cultural stigma associated with being barren—husbands could put aside or divorce their wives—Rachel was secured in her husband’s love, so Rachel’s jealousy was towards Leah’s children. However, as Rachel continued to be barren, insecurity could’ve crept into her relationship with her husband.

Sons were highly valued so Rachel may have felt that her husband’s feelings towards the mother of his sons would grow. Also, her husband first fell in love with her beauty – beauty fades over time so Rachel could also have begun to think that as her beauty faded so would her husband’s love. These feelings could be the reason for Rachel lamenting that she’d die if she couldn’t procreate.

“Competitive spirits always wreak havoc in relationships. Jealousy and envy which often fuel gossip, tear down love and commitment between friends and family. The antidote is trusting that God is in control of our lives. He will provide what we truly need. Ultimately, no person can meet our needs, only God can. If we are focusing on others to hold the key to our happiness and contentment, we will be disappointed."

Rachel: Surrogate Mother

Due to Rachel’s infertility, her machinations along with those of her sister/rival, Jacob fathered 13 children among four women. Both Rachel and Leah allowed other women into their marriage in their competition to one-up each other in their baby contest – who could give their husband the most children. Leah was currently in the lead in this competition, and she maintained the lead to the end.

When a frustrated Rachel demanded that her husband give her a child lest she died, according to Genesis 30:2-3, “Jacob flew into a rage. "Am I God?" he asked. "He is the only one able to give you children!" Then Rachel told him, "Sleep with my servant, Bilhah, and she will bear children for me." Since her husband cannot help her, and perhaps feeling rejected that God had bypassed her as being unfit to become a mother, Rachel devised a plan to resolve her problem. Not trusting God to bring her through this trial, she ordered her maid-servant to her husband’s bed. Her servant would bear children for Rachel.

“Rachel seems to blame God instead of trusting Him… efforts to override God’s plan usually bring more heartache than the original pain. Blaming God only forces us to be angry and bitter towards Him, thus separating us from His love. If we trust Him, we will accept His will rather than blame Him for our unhappiness.”

It is stated in Genesis 30:4-8 (NLT) that Rachel’s servant, Bilhah, gave birth to two sons. Rachel took over the role of mother and named the first son Dan, meaning "God has vindicated me!" She also named the second son, calling him Naphtali, meaning "I have had an intense struggle with my sister, and I am winning!"

Leah esteemed God, clearly shown by the names of her children. Leah named her first born Reuben which meant “God has seen my suffering”—married to man who deeply loved another; her second son Simeon meant “one who hears”—God had heard her cries and prayers. Levi was next, and his name meant “attached”—perhaps placing her hopes in the Man who she knows loves her, or hoping that her husband would finally become truly joined with her and lavish some love on her. Her fourth son was named Judah meaning “Praise”—I will praise the Lord. It is through the line of Judah that the Messianic child would be born. After “Praise”, Leah stopped having children.

However, since Rachel had given her handmaiden to Jacob, Leah seemed to have closed her heart to God. She chose to travel the road that Rachel took, and continued the baby contest

“Unfortunately, the competitive spirit rubs off onto Leah and she gives her maid, Zilpah, to Jacob so that she can continue to have children. Leah’s faith in God seems to disintegrate as she focuses on the competition instead of on trusting God. Gad (which means “good fortune”) and Asher (“happy”) are the result.”

Rachel: Desperate Housewife

Leah’s son whose name meant “God has seen my suffering” found plants that were considered aphrodisiacs. Despite becoming mother to the sons her handmaiden gave birth to, Rachel still desperately wanted to conceive and believed the plants would help her. Rachel desperately wanted to the experience of bearing fruit of her own womb. According to Genesis 30:14-16 (NLT):

“One day during the wheat harvest, Reuben found some mandrakes growing in a field and brought the roots to his mother, Leah. Rachel begged Leah to give some of them to her. But Leah angrily replied, "Wasn't it enough that you stole my husband? Now will you steal my son's mandrake roots, too?” Rachel said, "I will let him sleep with you tonight in exchange for the mandrake roots." So that evening, as Jacob was coming home from the fields, Leah went out to meet him. "You must sleep with me tonight!" she said. "I have paid for you with some mandrake roots my son has found." So Jacob slept with her.

Some people will consider Rachel’s behaviour as manipulative—participating in a discussion that made her husband appear like a “thing” to bargain over but, “If we trust Him, we will accept His will rather than blame Him for our unhappiness.”

However, Leah again became pregnant and gave birth to two sons and a daughter while Rachel remained barren. According to Genesis 30:17-21 (NLT):

And God answered her [Leah’s] prayers. She became pregnant again and gave birth to her fifth son. She named him Issachar,for she said, "God has rewarded me for giving my servant to my husband as a wife." Then she became pregnant again and had a sixth son. She named him Zebulun,for she said, "God has given me good gifts for my husband. Now he will honor me, for I have given him six sons." Later she gave birth to a daughter and named her Dinah.

We can surmise that at this point Rachel is beyond disappointed and bitter at being bested and outwitted again by her sister/rival. She used the aphrodisiac plants and yet she is still unable to give her husband a child from her own womb. She probably continued to lash out at her husband in frustration so her house was not a happy home. Is that the reason why Jacob deferred to Rachel initially, and went off to procreate with Leah; Leah still believed that having children would buy her husband’s love (Genesis 30:20). She didn’t have his love but she found happiness in her children so she had a happier, tension-free and peaceful home where he could relax and be at ease. This is perhaps the reason why he continued to visit Leah which resulted in her bearing more children.

At Last – A Baby for Rachel!

God heard Rachel pleas and opened her womb. She ultimately became the mother of Jacob’s last two children as recorded in Genesis 30:22-24: Then God remembered Rachel; he listened to her and enabled her to conceive. She became pregnant and gave birth to a son and said, “God has taken away my disgrace.” She named him Joseph, and said, “May the LORD add to me another son.”

… God allows Rachel to become pregnant. In view of how this child, Joseph, will be greatly used by God, we can understand why God opened Rachel’s womb. Joseph’s name can be identified as the Hebrew word for “add”; Rachel is expressing her belief that God will give her another son.

In God’s sovereign power, will and plan, nothing that He wants can be prevented from happening, and nothing He prevents can be forced to happen. God wanted Joseph born after all Jacob’s other children were born, so that the plan to make him Pharaoh’s assistant and savior of the Hebrews many years later would be fulfilled.

These two sons were the most beloved children of Jacob. Joseph was the godliest and greatest as he grew up to become the Saviour of Israel. However, what we learn from Rachel birthing a son is that her “focus is wrong: her trust is in human effort, and she won’t be completely fulfilled through these children either.” Sadly, Rachel would never know how successful her children were to become.

Rachel: Allegiance to False Gods

Rachel had a secret! It came to light when God told her husband to leave his father-in-law’s home and go back to his mother’s people. They all left in secret but Rachel covertly took something of her father who tracked them down to retrieve his possessions. It is written in Genesis 31:33b-35 (NLT):

Finally, he went into Rachel’s tent. But Rachel had taken the household idols and hidden them in her camel saddle, and now she was sitting on them. When Laban had thoroughly searched her tent without finding them, she said to her father, “Please, sir, forgive me if I don’t get up for you. I’m having my monthly period.” So Laban continued his search, but he could not find the household idols.

Rachel likely took the idols to guarantee a safe and prosperous journey. While her husband’s trust was in God and he dreamt of ascending and descending angels from a heavenly ladder, Rachel preferred gods that she could see. It appeared that this husband and wife lived in a house divided by faith, where the polygamous marriage also included a wife who was “also guilty of religious polygamy. There was a professed relationship to the God of Israel, yet at the same time she was married to idols.”

RACHEL: FREE AT LAST

Rachel never made it to her husband’s homeland. She must’ve been elated to find out that she was carrying her second child! “How often the brightest anticipations of life are clouded by the gloom of the grave! Rachel prayed for children, but the beginning of her second son’s life was the ending of her own.” It’s recorded in Genesis 35:16, 18 that Rachel had a difficult labour and died in childbirth but not before naming her son. With her last breath she called him Ben-oni which means “son of my sorrow”. He was renamed by his father: Benjamin which means “son of my right hand”.

What we’ve learned from Rachel’s life is that when we don’t wholeheartedly put our trust in God, we can become focused on the wrong things in our lives, taking us out of the will of God.

It will also lead us to seek other sources for our happiness. Rachel’s greatest desire was to bear children but she did not recognize that the best gift from God to her was the love of her husband.

“When Jacob came to die in extreme old age, he spoke sorrowfully of the early loss of his beloved Rachel who through her years had been caught in a web of much sorrow and unhappiness. Brokenhearted, Jacob buried Rachel on the [road] way to Bethlehem, and set up a pillar over her grave."

What we can learn from Rachel’s life is if we plant the seed of contentment in our hearts, we reap satisfaction in our lives. We should take time to look around us and see all that we can be thankful for and appreciate them. Give God praises for them in spite of our circumstances. What Rachel desired most caused her death but she was free at last from her tormented life.

“Rachel saw her life as a game that she must win. What did she really win? She won a life that was in constant turmoil. She won a home where the climate was filled with strife and arguments. She won a home where every thought, act, and movement was consumed with winning over your enemy—even though the enemy was her sister.”

RACHEL: REWARDED IN THE END

Leah on the other hand was buried in a cave where her husband’s people—grandparents and parents--preceded her. Her husband also chose to be buried beside her. “The wife who was never given what she really wanted to be—the love of her husband, Jacob—did get the honor of being buried by his side. In the end, her unconditional, faithful, persevering love brought her more peace and contentment than Rachel ever knew, even though Rachel was greatly loved.”

CONCLUSION – Lessons Learned from the Marriage of Rachel and Leah to Jacob

Loving relationships within marriage are based on many factors including kindness towards each other. When we focus solely on our needs—and they’re not met—it opens the door to disharmony and discord within the home. Also, when we conduct our relationship within God’s boundaries, we live a peaceful existence. Operating outside the will of God will create difficulties within our relationship. Putting complete faith and trust in God for our heart’s desires, and thanking Him for what we do have, will close the door to destructive behaviours. When we place our attention on the blessings we do have, it makes us realize that we too are worthy. Leah eventually stopped hoping for her husband’s love and focused on her blessings—she found joy in her children.